“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”1 Corinthians 13 1
Our beginning was a humble whirlwind, it all started with a chance meeting and swept right into fate. I was not expecting it and yet I began hoping, that I’d find someone worthy of my time and attention. And that I did on February 10th, I met my best friend and other half. We talked an immense amount those first few days and made a connection unlike any I had before. We had so many people against us in the start but that wasn’t gonna stop us at all. Making plans wasn’t in the cards and we were just taking each day at a time, living free with no ties to hold us down. Valentines Day we spent together and it was the most pure love I’ve ever felt in my life, I was on cloud nine. It was as if I couldn’t be close enough to him.
The engagement and wedding came and went in about 9 months. I planned it as best we could at the time, low budget with help from many, but we didn’t care- we just wanted the permanency and titles to say it’s official. I was no longer interested in anyone else. Our families attended, most of them with some reservations and hesitation, but it was going down either way. I had my dress, he had his tux and the preacher, whom we liked, and the wedding was on. September 19th of 2009, we was named Mr & Mrs. Sean and Nora Spaulding, music to my ears! Tomorrow we will be celebrating that union 11 years ago by being with each other in this unpredictable world these days and eating some really good Mexican food for dinner from La Costita which is my rediscovered old favorite.
We’ve had our shares of ups and downs, not anything that others would see or know about since most of it was private or financially based which is no one’s business anyway. I have to say looking back over the last 11 yrs (wow it’s crazy to see that), the biggest positive memories I have are the small moments, the inside jokes and the teasing and poking fun at each other that goes on daily. Our life may not look like everyone else’s but I wouldn’t want it that way and I’m happy to say I know how blessed we truly are on a daily basis. The sacrifices made by others and changes that came didn’t always make me feel the best but it propelled us forward into what will be a very happy and stable life for us. I’m always thankful to have him by my side as my support.
There are things that we don’t allow into our marriage because it may negatively impact our relationship. In our experience, we’ve seen how they can cultivate arguments or bring up issues within a marriage from outside influence. I wanted to share a handful of them with you.
1. We listen to advice but take it with a grain of salt
It’s great to listen to others marriages and their struggles as well as their triumphs. A lot may overlap but just remember every marriage is different and therefore should be treated as independent.
2. Don’t talk with others about private things like exact finances and voting status
I’d like to think that adults can manage to talk about anything but truth is, a lot of times they can’t. Feelings get heated and opinions rise to be very defensive. It’s best to just avoid these topics such as others like religion, private issues between partners and sometimes even family conflicts.
3. The one thing we try to agree on; is never go to bed angry. Marriage is “50/50 or the equalizer”
Some people say it’s okay to put feelings aside and cool off so you can peacefully assemble things later on. I just find this stirs the emotions and tension, maybe animosity even which isn’t healthy for getting to that place. I discussed this with a friend of mine and after further thought I know that this may not work for some couples, it may be necessary to put things down and go to bed, returning in the morning when thoughts are clearer.
4. Be Intentional With Each Other
We are very lucky in the sense that we really are able to spend 100% of our time together. But I know this is not the case for most. Intentionality can span across many areas in your life like: yourself, your partner, your marriage, your time/effort. Each of those things in being intentional look different in every situation. You have to decide to be intentional with each other based on what your lives look like. If one of you is working an opposite shift from the other, you both have to think about what times you’ll be able to dedicate to being together and how often. Any relationship is work, especially a legally binding marriage that you are in for the long haul. Though putting the work, time and attention in can be a good thing to build the marriage up, strengthen it and make each of you dig deeper.
What I’ve gained from 11 years is this: he is my trust, my safety and my one true love. I have always recited that from the very beginning and I will keep it in the forefront of our lives as well. We are best friends even on the hard days, in the bad moments and when we dislike each other. It never lasts long and we tend to resolve things pretty quickly. Most of our disagreements are about small, petty things that don’t matter and usually we agree on the big stuff. The years have passed by so quickly and with this year being so difficult and really throwing us off our “plans”, we have to reset our sails and have more patience. This year has still somehow been one of the best, spending all our time together and for now, with our friends, we managed to do a lot of things we had wanted to from home. Long talks, home projects, and a new dog…we are in for an exciting, interesting 2021!
If you had advice for some newlyweds, what would you tell them?
Are you married and for how long? If not, do you want to get married?
What is your biggest struggle or greatest triumph in your marriage? If you are comfortable, share below.