“regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).”-Google Search
Self love is having respect and admiration for your body and your qualities, both desirable and undesirable. It means being okay with fully being who you are inside and out. Self love is an ever-evolving journey not a destination you land upon once and call it done. It is sometimes hard work and a little bit painful, and it might test you in ways you never thought it would. Once you come around to the joy and happiness about yourself in your own skin- you will be shining brighter than any star in the sky.
First, let’s look at the struggles of self love, body image, weight, height, comparison game, etc.
1. Comparison is not a fair game to play with yourself. Two different people do not equal one. It is, for lack of better phrases, ‘playing with fire’, ‘ looking for the lack’ or bringing yourself down to a level you don’t belong. When you compare someone else’s body or success story- it is not the same. The two of you have had different starting points, in two different places, with different sets of resources, or possibly none at all. It just truly doesn’t make much sense to do this to either of you.
2. Same idea goes for the struggle or lack of struggle about personal weight. And while one might envy the thin girl in school, have you ever thought about how much she may think about food and how she CAN’T gain weight? Well that may sound great to you, depending on your situation but try feeling unhealthy for the lack of ability to keep weight on your body. Those stares and comments of how ‘skinny’ she is just don’t feel right and everyone wants to pick up and carry the small girl who weighs nothing. I get it, most of the time being on the heavier side does affect health and mobility in a different way, but the scale haunts us all the same. Try to learn to be okay with that number and if you aren’t, change your lifestyle or stop looking for satisfaction in the number game with the scale.
3. Just a note about height- these may look very similar to the points from the weight section but being short (or tall) isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Genetics plays a big role here, so we get whatever we are dealt. We have to learn to adapt and accommodate ourselves to better suit our needs in a world that isn’t always built for or against us. There are pros and cons to being both short and tall.
4. Self love is the whole objective of this post and while I was never fully on the bandwagon until now, I feel 100% better for it. I know I deserve love from and about myself, no matter what my negative thoughts may be. I will try to disregard them and replace them with MORE positives until I believe each and every one. I try to only speak to myself kindly and give myself a ton of grace (since this quarantine started) but also track my habits and continue to improve. That’s all we can do.
Just know, you are the ONLY one of YOU. So love yourself for WHO you ARE, right now in this moment with all the imperfections. In the letter to myself below, I’m going to share with you my journeys and my flaws that took me some time to learn how to be okay with.
You have always been a little gem. Your name means “light and honor” with that you must know how much of a light you are in people’s lives and how to honor yourself and others. Be kind, be patient and stay sweet. You will go through many trials and tribulations throughout your middle years and it will feel as though you want to just quit rather than trudge through it. Just know that there is so much better “good” on the other side. You are strong, small but might and brave, those are qualities you will be most proud of.
Although you haven’t always loved being in your body, unlike many others with an opposite problem, consider yourself lucky for the health and longevity in your genes. As someone who is short that doesn’t mean being unable, being soft-spoken doesn’t mean weak and being petite won’t discount your growth and body shape. Just love the journey as you are because it will change and blossom in the years to come. Envy is a plain stupid emotion and it will rear it’s ugly head your direction but soon opening your mind to the view that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Although as told in Gretchen Rubin’s episode, “You Do You” by Simplify podcast- when we realize and feel the shame of envy, it can teach us greatly about how to make changes.
As far as emotions and self care go, it’s been a roller coaster and you’re in for quite the ride. Feeling deeply, being passionate and slow thinking can all be perceived as negative when they really are not negative at all. Learn your voice and stand by it, stay patient as it is a great life skill. Always have passion- in your work, personal relationships and for life. You’ll never regret that. The road has been long and hard but I promise you it will pay off in more ways than one and you will be all the wiser for it.
It has not been the easiest or hardest of journeys but a lot of thought, tears and acceptance went into my change of mindset. Although it was very worth it for me, I want to emphasize that we are all on different paths at varying paces, in our self love journeys and you can be a self love QUEEN!
What is your self love journey like currently? Have you ever thought of writing a love letter to yourself?