To start off, I’ll give you some back story: this boy was my childhood best friend, first ever love interest and the grandson of my wonderful next door neighbors. So when I say we ‘grew up together,’ we did. Most of the time I was away with my grandparents, but when he came to his grandparents then we could hang out 24/7. We were both each others first kiss. Growing up, he was my person and I’d like to think I was his. That best friend who you just can’t get enough of talking, learning, being around each other and adventuring out together. I couldn’t have asked for a better childhood experience. Now I’ve grown up and moved on but he is still a VIP to me.
Recently, we reunited after a random messenger chat and a lot of “this happened and that happened” in each other’s lives. I didn’t know where to start before that, and I was in shock. We just grew apart, after a few traumatic events and some drama, it just never got back to where it was. He moved to FL and I moved away and went to college. Though I never forgot our friendship, it was a new time in my life.
All I knew was that we had both been through a lot, and yet it seemed so easy being back in each other’s lives. We’d had our ups and downs and it all felt natural that we snapped right back into a close-knit friendship where we were united against the world. And although people change constantly and grow up over a matter of years (8-10 years for us), sometimes it still feels the same, like time didn’t even pass by. It’s nice to know you have “those” friends in your corner.
If you find yourself in a similar situation or are trying to reconnect with someone from long ago, these are the four major things to keep in mind:
1. We all have struggles that we may or may not talk about
There are a ton of things that you may not share with just anyone, but that the one or two closest people in your life know. Some things are so personal that they can be heavy on your soul and it feels better when you know someone gets it and feels your pain. It’s also nice to know that someone else in your life is aware of what you’re going through too.
2. Time is irrelevant
The friend is just there through everything and will always be around no matter how much time has passed. It could be a week, 3 months or 5 years (or even longer), but that person is right there when you need them on your team. Also, know that if this doesn’t happen it’s for a reason. Sometimes we grow apart and that’s okay too. Be at peace with it!
3. Friendship takes work and forgiveness
Go slow. It can be overwhelming trying to catch up and become close again after so long. And maybe it’s not weird or awkward at all but still, be patient with the other person and with yourself. Sometimes we say or do things that, in the moment, maybe we don’t understand from both perspectives. Take a minute, think about it and talk it over, apologize if needed and be accountable with where things went wrong.
4. You know who your people are
Don’t waste your life with the wrong crowd. You want to make sure that those around you are doing positive things in your life, not being a negative influence or damaging your mental health. It’s important for them to understand you fully and support you when needed, and not show any signs of use or abuse in a friendship/relationship space.
I think time can heal most wounds and although it was a significant amount of time, I didn’t realize how heavy it would be. Things I had long forgotten about were still affecting this other person. I had to do some inner work, apologize and more importantly forgive myself for not knowing. The way a true soul bond friendship feels is very unique and I’m glad that I have that back again. Now we can continue a friendship as adults and once again share our lives with each other.
Have you ever lost a true deep friendship or reunited with someone after years? What advice would you give to me or someone going through this? Leave me a comment letting me know what you thought. I felt like this was important to share and was therapeutic to get out for myself as well.
One Response
So glad that you could rekindle your friendship with him! I have lost a friendship. It wasn’t due to moving or a disagreement though! She and I had been best friends all through middle school and most of high school. She moved and we stayed in touch but she moved back to my town. Years later, I realized that she wasn’t the same person that she was when we were teenagers. She barely responded when I reached out to her after she had a life threatening illness. That was when I knew that we had changed way too much and that it was time that I dismiss her from my life all together! My life is so much better without her and I now have my husband and my BFF of 20 years this December! Sometimes you just have to know when to let go of someone! It doesn’t matter if it is a friend or a SO! If they aren’t meant to be in your life then you will know!