End of Year Reflection

End of Year Reflection

This year has been a crazy wild ride for sure. Up and down, in and out, bad and then good again. I didn’t know what to ever expect and that was kinda hard.

January was a fresh start and we had a lot going on that we took care of in the first few months. Then in March, we suddenly moved because we were out of city limits and didn’t like the place we lived at. We moved back into town and returned to a previous complex only to find out that it was basically a joke (i.e loud neighbors, constant barking dogs and management that doesn’t care at ALL). So we quickly regretted that. I think we will end up moving this year when our lease is up in May.

Sean’s job situation has been up and down all year due to many crappy situations, but we are striving and reaching for more. We want to grow and be even more successful and take on more serious responsibility. I was working for Younqiue and Doterra which I may still continue in the background but I want to have a J-O-B, so I hope come the new year I may be set up to do so. I would love to invest more time and money into making this a better place and trying to better myself in many ways coming into 2019. I want more for myself and my personal growth and development. (Side note: I got a job and I’m so excited-nervous for it… wish me luck!)

I’ve come back full circle to this place where I love to blog and share my life with others so I want to continue to have time to do so. I’m trying to get this one post up to recap maybe some of the year and then continue strong into posts for the new year, new me (old phrase I know-but meaningful). Let me know if there’s anything specific that you’d like to see. I’m going to make January a time to discuss personal growth, goals and the ways to improve your life on a daily basis- while finding ways to be happy in the middle of the dark months. My tribe has help close to me, I’ve let go of a few toxic people and moved away from hearing the negativity or falseities. But I’m so overly thankful for those who love me and support me in every step of my life. I have some amazing women around me and I’m sure you know who you are (Raewyn, Pamela, Bonnie, Kris, Emily, Cate-my blogging besties & Krysten who has always been a huge source of encouragement and inspiration) Thank you I had to mention these great ladies! I appreciate Ashley and Cynthia who’ve both been in my life and circled back again, I love you two SO much, seriously! I’d do anything for you both. We have 20+ years and I can’t believe we will grow old all together. Stevie, you’re my rock- you’re an amazing person and I love you SO SO SO much. Thank you fo always being there and I’m happy to be there when you need it; you’ll be my Steve forever; my Jeff Granola supporter. 

I’ve been trying to take better care of myself and who I surround myself with. It might be silly to say but I have been diving into self love and self growh videos on youtube premium, I love watching videos and advice there that I can learn and implement too. My self care has been upped- more baths, more skin care, more breathing, more journaling, more quiet time… I love it. My home has had a big purge too and decluttering has been the best form of feeling clear. So my chores have been my top priority for months, trying to stay on top of it all.

The holidays were calm and chill. We didn’t decorate much and didnt do much anyways during the month. We spent it with my in laws and  didn’t really make a huge deal out of the holidays like we normally do. 2019 is sneaking up so so fast and I’m relieved. It always feels like a new start and I need that about now. I’ve learned how to be more positive overall and I have changed into a more complete happier person in the last six months or so. I know that even our relationship has changed and eveolved and will improve even further in 2019. It feels like a new year, a fresh start. And maybe some people hate that idea; the waiting to be productive, the “it’s a new day/year” mentality when really everyday is a good day for growth, goals and change. But I just like that something motivates me that much to really do so and if I can find a way to stick to them then that’s great for me. It’s gonna be a year to commit but more on that coming soon……

Thank you for reading and following my blog this place means so much to me and I hope as I start my new journey back into the workforce (PT) that I can balance everything. I really appreciate every comment, every share, every repin- my job here is to share my journey and hope that it affects or helps you in some way. If you’d like to tell me anything closing out the new year  please take a moment in the comments to do so or feel free to shoot me an email-which you can find on my Contact page.

Top 5 things on my Christmas wish list

Top 5 things on my Christmas wish list

So this is gonna be funny but it’s true that my husband shops for me pretty much year round. He always finds exactly what I need when I find shopping often unsuccessful. I prefer we shop together in case he mis-sizes or grabs something I don’t like (which almost never happens).  I thought it’d be fun to list off some practical things I need/want for the following year that are on my Christmas wish list.

1. Underwear

He recently got me some  Calvin Kleins’ to try out and I love them so I’d like to get more to replace the several I have and wear with rips or holes (yep that’s the truth!), I am not usually a wearer of skimpy underwear so get me the bikinis/hipsters and call it good. I value comfort over style, plus no one is actually seeing them but me.

2. Socks

I have a bunch of short ankle socks but it’s so cold and wet here I don’t wear those pairs often, the calf height ones are all worn out on the bottoms and don’t keep my feet warm anymore so new pack here would be nice. I dislike any socks that have tight sections for athletic reasons or ‘comfort fit’ which is never comfortable. I wear socks a lot and hardly ever go barefoot so to me socks are a big one.

3. Bras

I like VS. But honestly, I just need new ones. It’s also been several years since I got new bras and some are peeling the lining from washing. I’d love a new white or black one, since I wear those most. Or tee shirt bras are nice too since I’m never really very dressy. What brands and kinds do you prefer? Where should I look without breaking the bank?

4. Jeans

We have a second hand, buy sell clothing store down the road that I really love and often frequent since we moved back to town. I’m glad they carry my size 0-2 because usually in stores like Target or AE, those certain sizes are gone or tossed around or even mis labeled. I hate when it takes years to find things in stores and I often give up. Another reason that my husband shops for me. He knows my style and preferences that well and let me tell you how nice that is! I’d love just a few pairs, I went through a leggings phase but I just quickly realized I’m not in the right season or climate for them- it’s too windy and cold here for aztec cute leggings.

5. Boots/Shoes

Every year for Christmas we have a boot giving tradition. I’m obsessed with boots and booty style shoes so that is my one chosen item to get each year while its rainy, snowy and cold, I get many months use out of them and about every year or two they will be worn out in time for a new pair for Christmas!

What are your must haves? Christmas wish list wants and needs? DO you often ask for daily basic items or are the holidays your splurge items?

5 things that changed my life

5 things that changed my life

This year has brought a lot of changes in my life and so I thought these would be fun to share and explain how they impacted my daily life. It didn’t happen just overnight either, it was a lot of hard work and ‘cleaning up my life in all areas’ if there’s such a way to describe it. I hope you get something from this and maybe will apply these things to your own life and make yourself feel amazing in the last week or so of the year. Who’s ready to say goodbye to 2018 and expand even further on that personal development and growth in the following year? I sure am… so here’s what I did.

1. Minimalism:

And not in that typical “its a new movement so it’s cool” kinda thing. I have done serious decluttering and organizing and I have found so much joy in it, even without Kon Mari method. I’ve gotten rid of bag and boxes of things that I don’t care about or won’t miss. The things that I thought I had deep attachments too (as simple as physical books, perfumes, clothes etc) I simply let go of and therefore felt ten pounds lighter in return.

2. Cutting out toxic people and unfollowing anything I don’t care about:

This kinda ties into the last one but I do not have time to waste time and if you treat me bad or if I don’t feel like I need to see funny cat videos everyday on FB then you’ve gotta go! I have gone over and over it many times cutting out more and more junk and pointless or spammy accounts etc and MAN it feels good to tidy up those spaces that are like digital mental clutter. Now I see only what I want when I want.

3. Find my passions again:

I really, really love blogging and yeah maybe I’m not as consistent as I should be and maybe my content is surface level randomness but that’s why I love it. I hope you get something good from here- I work hard and give you real deep emotions. I also really love brush lettering, reading and journaling which I want to make even more time for practicing and learning more to improve skills.

4. Change my lifestyle:

I’m not perfect but I’m cooking a lot more than I ever have and that gives us both better nutrition and a wider variety of healthy foods to explore and play with. Water has always been my nemesis but now I turn to it to re-hydrate and feel awake. It fuels my body and I understand how crucial it is. Fitness is a huge part of my life that I need to make more of an effort in. I have plans to start at a gym or begin an actual yoga practice. I tend to try something and then not follow through especially with exercise, I’m a lazy kind of person. I’m going to change that limiting belief and inner dialouge with myself starting now.

5. Spend time with quality friends and family/stay in touch:

Recently I’ve been trying to reconnect with those who I care about and want to get to know but haven’t stayed in touch with through busy life. A lot of people have a hard time with kids and jobs keeping up with but its no easier for me. I guess I need to reach out and be conscious of it more but my anxiety sorta holds me back in that way too. It’s something I wanna improve upon.

Do you have any stand out things you’ve done that has changed your life? If so, share in the comments below!

A Sister Part 2

A Sister Part 2

If you missed it, please read  A Sister Part 1 before you read here so you know (what in the world) I’m talking about….

     As I sat there shocked, my mom burst into tears and got rather standoff-ish. Guess she had a right to be. Come to find out, everyone had known before me, I had just discovered (and would continue to find out family secrets in the coming years, some of which I talk about in this blog) that more things were hidden from me which I had every right to know just like everyone else. I was really excited though and actually I took it the best I think. I wanted to meet her right now. I guess my sister Angela found out from my grandpa but I don’t know about the others. Either way, I felt betrayed that no one cared to tell me or thought I was important enough to know. How would that make you feel? Pretty awful right? I suppose I got over it right away, being sent off to camp was even more exciting. I would start my to write the sister I never knew I had, even though I always had a sneaking suspicion.
Off to camp I went, riding horses at Camp Tamarack and if you’re in the NW area, you should  know what an amazing place it is. I went for several years and here I am getting way off track…….
okay. 
One day I wrote my *new sister, ya know the one I had no idea about until about a week earlier. 
 I do not remember my letter to her, but I guess I wrote something about finding out about her and wanting to know every single detail of her life that instant. I asked for pictures and details of my new niece. I think that first letter must have been like 5 pages. I asked about her adoptive family and how they were to her etc. I had never felt like this before and it was so important to me that this was my chance to uncover who she was. The days that passed in between felt like a year, I’m lucky I was at camp or I’m sure I would’ve just gone crazy.
In her letter back here’s a sample of what was said.….
“Thank you very much for the pictures. I’m putting them all together. Except for the one of all of you. I have to show that one off Hopefully one day soon, we can all take one together. That would be really neat.
 Oh and my mom’s name is ______.  
Nora, you’re such a sweet girl! I am so proud to call you my baby sister. 
Okay not a baby, but I always wanted to say that  
If you ever want to ask me anything about me or whatever, ask! I’d love to answer anything for you. And I’d love to keep writing you.
You take care! We need to have you out here again soon! Talk to you soon:) Tell your Mom I love her if you hear from her before I do. (okay the smileys are getting scary!) 
I love you! Big Sis, Kim
 
 How could I get so lucky?! Such a sweet sister, someone I barely knew. I suppose I might’ve visited before I went to camp, I can’t really remember. I went there a few times before my dad passed in 2002 and I never knew what a crucial part of my life she’d eventually be. It’s kinda hard looking back too knowing things happened the way they did- but I am so thankful to have her everyday! When my dad passed away I spent a year or so bouncing around and finally ended up in Vancouver with my incredible new sister. I specifically remember reeling over the same questions of trauma and loss. I cried and cried. Feeling safe and vulnerable was important to me then, she made me feel that way better than most of my family could. I don’t know how she does it but I always feel so deeply heard and understood.
To make a long story short. I ended up living with her and her family for the rest of my high school education to have a stable home, family, and school. I was able to get assistance to get counseling as well and have medical/dental/vision care. It was about time, they generously decided to expand their house and make an extra room for me. I loved living there and unfortunetly I went through my tough teenage years and sorta put her through hell. Oops! (didn’t mean to Kim) Well I also wanted to feature another letter from the following year after I moved in and went back to camp. The first letter anniversary. I loved it! And once I left for camp I recieved another letter covering the recent events at home and talking us through our own new “family” struggles.
Here goes:
J misses you!  August 2 2004 11:21pm
 “Nora, 
This may end up being short because its late here. But I wanted to write something so it reached you before you leave camp. Things are good here. J’s oarty was pretty good. Mom actualy came with Angela and Matt, which was nice. J got lots of new toys that you and I will enjoy, TONS of Polly Pockets!
Micheal will be here Friday. I’m getting really nervous. 
 Yes, J’s scab is healing. Almost gone. She shows me everyday.
I’m glad you are having fun! But I’m hoping things got better since you called me. I do understand your worrying. But remember- it won’t happen. 
You need somewhere to be where you won’t feel that way- And guess what? You’re here! We love you very much!
I have noticed that you have offered to help. And I do appreciate that. Maybe I’ll put you to work when you get back. he he.
Bad news- Whiskers (cat) will probably be gone when you get back. 
He totally peed all over your bed again. Good news is all the blankets and frame don’t smell-And we had to buy you a new mattress. 
I’m sad he has to go- but we can’t all live that way. 
We’ll have to maybe try some St John’s Wort together. Maybe it will help me too. I’d better go. Have to get up @6am. Please call when you get to Grammys. Love you lots, Kim

It wasn’t our shining hour but I remember so so so many times when I was struggling that year when I really had no one else close enough to talk openly to, she was there and made me feel better every single time. I don’t know how but she always talked me out of being sad. Sweetly. Sisterly. Calmly. Lovingly. I couldn’t express how immensely important that was to me. To give me a home and a place to stay with a toddler let alone and not knowing me very well either. It was incredible for her to do. I went to a good school, had pretty good friends for the most part, extracurricular sports and clubs, good teachers and tried so hard to pull good/acceptable grades- I was NEVER a good student.  I was by no means out of control but I wasn’t easy on her either. It wasn’t the best situation, I was being a really tough teenager and I commend her for handling it as well as she did.

Anyhow, I hate to cut this short but I don’t think I need any more details than that- for the sake of being discreet. But I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you comment and continue to ask or at least maybe relate to it, understand where I’m coming from. It’s a special bond I think between siblings but when you meet someone who’s belonged in it for so long- that’s different. I am so blessed and glad to have her found all of us. That’s her story….. and I’m glad she did!

Please repin and share on social if you liked it! Thanks!

What did you think about this crazy timeline of events? What would you have done or have felt? 

 

A Sister Part 1

A Sister Part 1

Today, I decided to share something close to my heart. Like blood close. Something that nearly 100 million families in the United States have in their family.
ADOPTION.
Grandparents, parents, children, siblings and the whole entire family can be affected by. It’s a huge deal no matter what side of the equation you’re on.

When we talk about siblings, does blood relation really matter? When you have grown up together, taken vacations, made memories, shared literally everything down to shoes and clothes,  had every meal together and teased each other through the years?

I could go on and on. 

I was never taught that being full blood siblings mattered, (maybe that’s because all my siblings had different fathers except the oldest two) I was also taught that you never call them -half anything. In our house that was not okay. And I would get scolded if I ever called my sisters, half sisters and my brother, a half brother. So that was NOT happening and plus I never felt we were all that different growing up in the same household so I never felt like I should anyway. 

I always felt there was something missing, someone else out there. I had this feeling since I was about 10 years old and I never really shook it. I didn’t dare speak about it and I really just thought it was my imagination or I was crazy because my parents would never keep a secret so huge. We were a family and who wouldn’t share something so big and important. I thought on about it and it just stayed with me. Although I didn’t know when I was about ten years old that a lot of people hold onto private things and secrets in families that you may never expect otherwise. Little did I know in a few years the cat would be out of the bag….

How it all began

A summer afternoon in the hot, sticky middle of July (I think it was 2002), I was at my grandparents house where my mother was staying and on the side battling her demons. I knew that house like the back of my hand. Since my grandmother passed several years earlier I had spent lots of time visiting and spending nights with my grandfather there. Easy to say I knew every nook and cranny of that old traditional yellow house.

But this day I noticed something new; I admired photos of an Italian woman and her husband holding their pretty young daughter. Or so I thought. These pictures popped up overnight it seemed. They were everywhere, cards, holiday pictures, baby photos of the little girl and a few pictures of the couple. I looked and stared but knowing how many close friends my grandparents had, I just thought nothing of it. The more time passed the more that “feeling” came back and now it was bugging me. I knew there was more to this story and eerily famailar couple.

I asked my grandfather who it was in the photos, “who is in those pictures all over the living room?” I asked. “Oh no one,” he said “friends of the family.” I called him out, I knew every ‘friend of the family’ and honestly I knew he was lying to me. I went to ask my mother immediately. As I asked the same questions, she froze, deer in headlights, stammering- searching for words…
She replied with something to the effect of. “yes she’s your oldest sister, and I gave her up for adoption.” She explained the whole thing and my memory still fails everything she told me, but it was the general response of “I could not afford to have a child, I was young, naive and yada yada….”

Before I knew it, questions by the billions came flying out of my mouth.

Who was she?

How old is she?
Where is she right now?

What is she like?
Will she like me?
Does she have kids, do I have other nieces and nephews?
(Which I thankfully did, a beautiful little niece)

Where does she live? Etc.
So many questions ran through my head, as anyone would in that sort of situation. I was utterly in shock at how this had never come up or been revealed to me sooner. I was so heartbroken and very happy at the same time.
As the tears washed over my face, I was gripping for answers.
Please comment and tell me- Did you ever have a family secret or anything to this nature? 
How did you respond and what was it like? 
for more read this next,

A Sister Part 2

 

Currently August

Currently August

This is me. Here I am showing you what I’m into lately. I’ve been so quiet trying to create a space here that I like again.. it’s all slowly coming together though I promise you. Until then, leave a comment below and answer me this question: what would you like to see more of here on this blog? I haven’t gotten much feedback but I’m sitting here listening to whatever you need or want to see or know more of? Thanks! ONTO THE POST.

inspired…..to share more, do more, be more, explore more. I don’t want to continue to be so sedentary and boring. I need to experience life and generally put more effort into it. The only one that can change my daily life is me, the want has to come from within.

organizing…my social media accounts, my life, my desk, my whole house, my closet- I’m in a purging state of mind and it feels so good to get rid of any unneeded clutter. Mental, physical or digital it’s a huge weight off my shoulders.

working…on making this website as professional as possible. I want it to function as more than just a blog. To be a place where I can really share my life in every capacity and maybe grow back to being an online VA presence.

watching…Castaways on ABC- if you haven’t seen it, you need to. It just started a couple weeks ago. It’s a real reality (unscripted, true life style) version of survivor- people deserted on an island to see if they can survive and live off the land/i.e their belongings until they are rescued. It’s incredible. (FYI: I would definetly not make it.  I need my starbucks! And a real bed)

listening to…everything on spotify. I’m following new people. Creating public playlists on my own account and taking in all the media sources. I can’t get enough at this point. Guess I’ve been too quiet inner recently- that has to be remedied. If you have great sugguestions for msuci, movies, shows, podcasts etc please leave me a comment!

cleaning…my kitchen. Over and over again. I need a robot maid for my kitchen itself. I clean it, I cook, it’s messy, rinse, repeat. I’m so tired of doing dishes.

wishing… that I could visit heaven. Missing my lost family and friends a lot lately- wishing for more time, more conversations, more connection. I could really use tighter hugs from them all right now.

discovering… it’s all up to me. I’ve been doing a lot of inner digging, realizing that I still have so many issues that I have never dealt with and I really need some counseling for that ish. But overall my life is pretty great, I need to be mindful and create the changes to become the person that I want to be better than I’ve been lately (oooh that got DEEP).

wanting…all the things. New Younique makeup, essential oils package, scentsy falls scents/warmer, grown up fall clothes (maybe not from Target?), a new desk chair because this one KILLS my back/no support, porch decor oh and a new unit because constant noise/issues.

planning…a trip for next years anniversary- our BIG 10 years! LIKE HELLO! Personal accomplishment. That’s a serious thing for people my age. No one stays together anymore and that’s really sad. I love my husband! Where should we go to celebrate and/or renew vows?

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