A Sister Part 2

A Sister Part 2

If you missed it, please read  A Sister Part 1 before you read here so you know (what in the world) I’m talking about….

     As I sat there shocked, my mom burst into tears and got rather standoff-ish. Guess she had a right to be. Come to find out, everyone had known before me, I had just discovered (and would continue to find out family secrets in the coming years, some of which I talk about in this blog) that more things were hidden from me which I had every right to know just like everyone else. I was really excited though and actually I took it the best I think. I wanted to meet her right now. I guess my sister Angela found out from my grandpa but I don’t know about the others. Either way, I felt betrayed that no one cared to tell me or thought I was important enough to know. How would that make you feel? Pretty awful right? I suppose I got over it right away, being sent off to camp was even more exciting. I would start my to write the sister I never knew I had, even though I always had a sneaking suspicion.
Off to camp I went, riding horses at Camp Tamarack and if you’re in the NW area, you should  know what an amazing place it is. I went for several years and here I am getting way off track…….
okay. 
One day I wrote my *new sister, ya know the one I had no idea about until about a week earlier. 
 I do not remember my letter to her, but I guess I wrote something about finding out about her and wanting to know every single detail of her life that instant. I asked for pictures and details of my new niece. I think that first letter must have been like 5 pages. I asked about her adoptive family and how they were to her etc. I had never felt like this before and it was so important to me that this was my chance to uncover who she was. The days that passed in between felt like a year, I’m lucky I was at camp or I’m sure I would’ve just gone crazy.
In her letter back here’s a sample of what was said.….
“Thank you very much for the pictures. I’m putting them all together. Except for the one of all of you. I have to show that one off Hopefully one day soon, we can all take one together. That would be really neat.
 Oh and my mom’s name is ______.  
Nora, you’re such a sweet girl! I am so proud to call you my baby sister. 
Okay not a baby, but I always wanted to say that  
If you ever want to ask me anything about me or whatever, ask! I’d love to answer anything for you. And I’d love to keep writing you.
You take care! We need to have you out here again soon! Talk to you soon:) Tell your Mom I love her if you hear from her before I do. (okay the smileys are getting scary!) 
I love you! Big Sis, Kim
 
 How could I get so lucky?! Such a sweet sister, someone I barely knew. I suppose I might’ve visited before I went to camp, I can’t really remember. I went there a few times before my dad passed in 2002 and I never knew what a crucial part of my life she’d eventually be. It’s kinda hard looking back too knowing things happened the way they did- but I am so thankful to have her everyday! When my dad passed away I spent a year or so bouncing around and finally ended up in Vancouver with my incredible new sister. I specifically remember reeling over the same questions of trauma and loss. I cried and cried. Feeling safe and vulnerable was important to me then, she made me feel that way better than most of my family could. I don’t know how she does it but I always feel so deeply heard and understood.
To make a long story short. I ended up living with her and her family for the rest of my high school education to have a stable home, family, and school. I was able to get assistance to get counseling as well and have medical/dental/vision care. It was about time, they generously decided to expand their house and make an extra room for me. I loved living there and unfortunetly I went through my tough teenage years and sorta put her through hell. Oops! (didn’t mean to Kim) Well I also wanted to feature another letter from the following year after I moved in and went back to camp. The first letter anniversary. I loved it! And once I left for camp I recieved another letter covering the recent events at home and talking us through our own new “family” struggles.
Here goes:
J misses you!  August 2 2004 11:21pm
 “Nora, 
This may end up being short because its late here. But I wanted to write something so it reached you before you leave camp. Things are good here. J’s oarty was pretty good. Mom actualy came with Angela and Matt, which was nice. J got lots of new toys that you and I will enjoy, TONS of Polly Pockets!
Micheal will be here Friday. I’m getting really nervous. 
 Yes, J’s scab is healing. Almost gone. She shows me everyday.
I’m glad you are having fun! But I’m hoping things got better since you called me. I do understand your worrying. But remember- it won’t happen. 
You need somewhere to be where you won’t feel that way- And guess what? You’re here! We love you very much!
I have noticed that you have offered to help. And I do appreciate that. Maybe I’ll put you to work when you get back. he he.
Bad news- Whiskers (cat) will probably be gone when you get back. 
He totally peed all over your bed again. Good news is all the blankets and frame don’t smell-And we had to buy you a new mattress. 
I’m sad he has to go- but we can’t all live that way. 
We’ll have to maybe try some St John’s Wort together. Maybe it will help me too. I’d better go. Have to get up @6am. Please call when you get to Grammys. Love you lots, Kim

It wasn’t our shining hour but I remember so so so many times when I was struggling that year when I really had no one else close enough to talk openly to, she was there and made me feel better every single time. I don’t know how but she always talked me out of being sad. Sweetly. Sisterly. Calmly. Lovingly. I couldn’t express how immensely important that was to me. To give me a home and a place to stay with a toddler let alone and not knowing me very well either. It was incredible for her to do. I went to a good school, had pretty good friends for the most part, extracurricular sports and clubs, good teachers and tried so hard to pull good/acceptable grades- I was NEVER a good student.  I was by no means out of control but I wasn’t easy on her either. It wasn’t the best situation, I was being a really tough teenager and I commend her for handling it as well as she did.

Anyhow, I hate to cut this short but I don’t think I need any more details than that- for the sake of being discreet. But I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you comment and continue to ask or at least maybe relate to it, understand where I’m coming from. It’s a special bond I think between siblings but when you meet someone who’s belonged in it for so long- that’s different. I am so blessed and glad to have her found all of us. That’s her story….. and I’m glad she did!

Please repin and share on social if you liked it! Thanks!

What did you think about this crazy timeline of events? What would you have done or have felt? 

 

A Sister Part 1

A Sister Part 1

Today, I decided to share something close to my heart. Like blood close. Something that nearly 100 million families in the United States have in their family.
ADOPTION.
Grandparents, parents, children, siblings and the whole entire family can be affected by. It’s a huge deal no matter what side of the equation you’re on.

When we talk about siblings, does blood relation really matter? When you have grown up together, taken vacations, made memories, shared literally everything down to shoes and clothes,  had every meal together and teased each other through the years?

I could go on and on. 

I was never taught that being full blood siblings mattered, (maybe that’s because all my siblings had different fathers except the oldest two) I was also taught that you never call them -half anything. In our house that was not okay. And I would get scolded if I ever called my sisters, half sisters and my brother, a half brother. So that was NOT happening and plus I never felt we were all that different growing up in the same household so I never felt like I should anyway. 

I always felt there was something missing, someone else out there. I had this feeling since I was about 10 years old and I never really shook it. I didn’t dare speak about it and I really just thought it was my imagination or I was crazy because my parents would never keep a secret so huge. We were a family and who wouldn’t share something so big and important. I thought on about it and it just stayed with me. Although I didn’t know when I was about ten years old that a lot of people hold onto private things and secrets in families that you may never expect otherwise. Little did I know in a few years the cat would be out of the bag….

How it all began

A summer afternoon in the hot, sticky middle of July (I think it was 2002), I was at my grandparents house where my mother was staying and on the side battling her demons. I knew that house like the back of my hand. Since my grandmother passed several years earlier I had spent lots of time visiting and spending nights with my grandfather there. Easy to say I knew every nook and cranny of that old traditional yellow house.

But this day I noticed something new; I admired photos of an Italian woman and her husband holding their pretty young daughter. Or so I thought. These pictures popped up overnight it seemed. They were everywhere, cards, holiday pictures, baby photos of the little girl and a few pictures of the couple. I looked and stared but knowing how many close friends my grandparents had, I just thought nothing of it. The more time passed the more that “feeling” came back and now it was bugging me. I knew there was more to this story and eerily famailar couple.

I asked my grandfather who it was in the photos, “who is in those pictures all over the living room?” I asked. “Oh no one,” he said “friends of the family.” I called him out, I knew every ‘friend of the family’ and honestly I knew he was lying to me. I went to ask my mother immediately. As I asked the same questions, she froze, deer in headlights, stammering- searching for words…
She replied with something to the effect of. “yes she’s your oldest sister, and I gave her up for adoption.” She explained the whole thing and my memory still fails everything she told me, but it was the general response of “I could not afford to have a child, I was young, naive and yada yada….”

Before I knew it, questions by the billions came flying out of my mouth.

Who was she?

How old is she?
Where is she right now?

What is she like?
Will she like me?
Does she have kids, do I have other nieces and nephews?
(Which I thankfully did, a beautiful little niece)

Where does she live? Etc.
So many questions ran through my head, as anyone would in that sort of situation. I was utterly in shock at how this had never come up or been revealed to me sooner. I was so heartbroken and very happy at the same time.
As the tears washed over my face, I was gripping for answers.
Please comment and tell me- Did you ever have a family secret or anything to this nature? 
How did you respond and what was it like? 
for more read this next,

A Sister Part 2

 

Happy Friday!

Happy Friday!

Welcome to Happy Friday! This is a linkup that happens every Friday on Why Girls are Weird website and her site is amazing anyway so go check her out-tell her I sent you! I love her space and I find that I learn a ton from her and she’s a genuine gem too! So if you’re at all interested then be sure to go link up and write your own Happy Friday list of anything that made you smile, laugh or enjoy your day through the week. Be sure to grab the picture on her blog or at the bottom of mine.

  1. Late night chats with one of your BEST friends
  2. new chamomile tea in your favorite mug
  3. glittery waterfall phone case (so it will work on my wireless charger again)
  4. Calm Premium- great meditations, great music, great sounds to fall asleep to and also bed time stories
  5. my HP ENVY 360 laptop! I’m in love with it and here I am blogging again! #yay
  6. inspirational quotes and motivational sayings
  7. Fall/Winter B&BW candles (although I didn’t get the French baguette one I wanted really bad)
  8. BLOGGING! I’m so happy about it, hopefully I’ll have some more holiday content here soon, let me know what you wanna read about
  9. Sean making pot roast in the crock pot for dinner tomorrow (I’m so excited!)
  10. Spotify premium-new account, new music!

what made you happy this week? 

December Goals and Intentions

December Goals and Intentions

Welcome back to the blog! Sorry it’s been so long and I’ll have a mini life update at the end to fill you in but first, let’s get into some December goals. I hope you had a great fall season and I’m ready for winter to be here. I am getting a new laptop in a few days (yes I’ve had a few computers in the past few years- too much to explain). And I’m excited to just do some personal growing in this last month of 2018. Get ready….

 

Personal:

Read daily 30 mins or one-two chapters

Turn off social media one hr before bed

Listen to more music/podcast/TED talks

Study permit test

 

Blog:

Write 2 posts a week M/W

Share to socials each time I post/pin/insta/fb/twiiter

New website theme?

Newsletter Friday

New graphic template for images

 

Health:

Drink water daily use water tracker bottle or 2 pink glass bottles

Wear Fitbit-track sleep and steps

Journal

Meditate

Workout 2-3x week (yoga/class or circuit training)

 

Marriage:

“Quality time”

Be more spontaneous

Physical touch often

 

Does anyone else feel like 2018 just FLEW by? It’s crazy I mean my year started out with so much promise and clarity. I don’t wanna be a negative Nancy but the majority of my year could have been better. Although this year has *definitely* taught me some lessons that seriously needed clear learning. I’m not sorry for 2018 at all, I guess it was challenging in the way that it was really what was best. I’m sure you understand what I mean and maybe your year was similar to that too. I didn’t meet many of the things I meant to yet- but I don’t believe that one year is end all be all. So I’ll just keep growing and striving to be a more complete version of me- like I imagined. (After all, the biggest lesson I learned is that no one is stopping me but myself). 

The break down of my year has gone as follows:

-paid off taxes

-moved from old house to old apartment

-regretted said choice

-Sean goes back to old job

-Sean leaves old job

-Sean gets back old job

-paid off additional debt

-*aim to get driving permit before end of year

-*bring blogging back’ be more consistent

 

And at this point that’s about it…. to be continued.

 

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